Wednesday, 22 May 2013
This is a post that's been hard for me to write which is why I've been quiet for a couple of weeks. Now I don't want you to think I'm after sympathy or attention or something like that, trust me I'm not, I'm simply after some help and advice. I was going to put this on my Facebook page but it kind of got away with itself and ended up being just too large so I put it here instead.
I spend a lot of my time reading dieting websites, fitness websites and general health and wellbeing websites and most of them tend to all agree on one thing, you need to love yourself as you are before you can change yourself. If you don't love yourself just the way you are firstly how can anyone else love you and secondly if you don't love yourself as you are it could be a very long time before you ever do love yourself (if in fact you ever do!)
I also have a lot of friends I've made whilst doing my page who all seem very at ease with themselves, very happy in their own skin, not bothered about how long things will take to change, they just go with the flow and get on with it. I can't, I'm not like that, I need results yesterday, I need to see things happen almost instantaneously, I'm very ill at ease with myself and lastly and I guess most importantly I do not love myself - how can I? I hate the way I look, I hate the way I feel, I can't look in a mirror without cringing, I hate having my photo taken, which by the way is why there are so few photos of me out there and that scares me! If I was to leave this world tomorrow there would be so few lasting images of me out there its just scary.
So my question is this - how do you learn to love yourself? Is it to do with weight or will I always feel like this even if I'm super duper skinny and super duper fit? Is it a self confidence issue? Was it because I was bullied endlessly at school? Am I just a whinger and a moaner??? These are genuine questions and I'm not after 'oh but you look so nice' or 'you've done so well' just because you think it might make me feel better - I'm not trawling for compliments (although lets be honest, they are kinda nice!) This is a genuine topic I need to get my head round. Also when I sabotage myself is it because I'm scared of what's happening? Of what might happen if I lose loads of weight, have I hidden behind my weight for so long and used it as an excuse for so long that I deliberately sabotage my weight loss so I don't have to face it??
How did you learn to love yourself? Have you always loved yourself? I really would love some feedback on this either on here or on my facebook page