Success Express

As I mentioned in my previous blog post I need to make some changes and even though its the week of the big half marathon I have decided to make the changes to my diet this week. As you know I'm following Slimming World which is in essence a healthy eating plan, encouraging lots of fresh fruit and vegetables whilst still getting in carbs, protein, fats and sugars as everyone should on a healthy, balanced diet. Well this is another section that they offer which is called Success Express, it still follows the same principles but encourages even more fruit and veg in your diet but suggesting that for every meal you make sure that 2/3 of your plate is filled with superfree foods (ie fruit and veg) whilst the other 1/3 is filled with free foods (things like pasta, meat, potatoes etc), if you need to snack between meals you should eat fruit or vegetables and there is an increase in the number of Healthy Extra A choices (ie your dairy products) and your Healthy Extra B choices (ie your fibre choices) Then you must remember to have your syns, between 5 and 15, a day - these are your 'naughty' things like sugars etc.

I'm coping well so far although I'm only on day 2 but having plenty of veg for my dinners, snacking on loads more fruit than I'd normally eat (I'm not a big fruit eater) so I'm hoping to really boost my weight loss this week as I've been really disheartened with the gains and losses and feel like I've really hit a wall. Its great to have a friend doing it with me too, one of the other members from my group is giving it a go and we've really been encouraging each other and keeping each other motivated which is a good thing for me to have. 

On a different note, work's been interesting, a lot different to what I'm used to, the customers are a lot nicer, the staff are so friendly and easy going and I don't have a million processes to learn and remember as I did in my previous role so its all good.

Changes

As I've gained weight yet again this week I obviously need to make some changes in my life, whether its the diet, the exercise or something else but first I've decided I want to acknowledge what has already changed since I started this journey on Jan 7th 2013.

• weight: 357.5lbs in Jan, 317lbs in May
• signed up for half marathon 
• can walk further than ever before 
• no longer need asthma inhaler for day to day activities
• can run up the stairs without getting out of breath
• can feel my waist!
• can feel muscles starting to develop in my legs particularly 

Things that I need to change:

• my diet - need to speak to my consultant about that
• my exercise regime - I have been concentrating too much on walking and not changing things up enough.
• my work/life balance - I need to work out when I'm working, when I'm working out and when I have time to spend time with the people I love 
• my head - I need to work out why I am so negative about things? why can't I accept things are changing for the better? why do I feel like I want to sabotage things all the time?

I have no idea how I'm going to do the last one but the rest should be fairly easy to sort out, they might not be easy to implement but as I'll be asking for people's help and advice (my weight loss consultant and my personal trainer) I hope I can get these in place fairly quickly. Of course I do have a big achievement this week - I will be completely my first half marathon at the weekend which I'm absolutely petrified about but hopefully with the support of the others doing the race I can dig in deep and get it finished even if I'm the last one on the course I WILL finish it!

They think it's all over......

And this time next week it will be! Yep, this time next week I *should* have completed my first ever half marathon which is quite a scary thought.  Did my last training walk yesterday consisting of a 6 mile hike around the reservoir where I broke in my new walking shoes and socks. I was a bit wary of the shoes as they aren't as bouncy as the trainers I'm used to but once you get used to them they're pretty decent considering they were only £20. Also on a recommendation of a friend I bought some 1000 mile socks which are dual layer, taking the moisture away from the feet and preventing blisters and they seemed to do just that yesterday which was fantastic considering the size of the blisters I had last week.

Also went to the gym on Thursday,  I think the women there were firstly shocked that I went back, secondly that I'm as fit as I am (which isn't that fit but certainly a hell of a lot fitter than I was 3 stone ago!) thirdly that I joined in the Zumba class and then most definitely that I did the whole class!  I had several of them come up to me during the class say they were surprised to still see me there,  but I tell you what I loved every blooming minute of it! I had no idea what I was doing in the Zumba class but it seemed to involve a lot of shaking your ass and was so much fun but I did come out of there sweating like a pig, although I suppose that is the general idea! I can't wait to get back there again next week to shake my tushie.

Loving yourself?

This is a post that's been hard for me to write which is why I've been quiet for a couple of weeks. Now I don't want you to think I'm after sympathy or attention or something like that, trust me I'm not, I'm simply after some help and advice. I was going to put this on my Facebook page but it kind of got away with itself and ended up being just too large so I put it here instead. 

I spend a lot of my time reading dieting websites, fitness websites and general health and wellbeing websites and most of them tend to all agree on one thing, you need to love yourself as you are before you can change yourself. If you don't love yourself just the way you are firstly how can anyone else love you and secondly if you don't love yourself as you are it could be a very long time before you ever do love yourself (if in fact you ever do!) 

I also have a lot of friends I've made whilst doing my page who all seem very at ease with themselves, very happy in their own skin, not bothered about how long things will take to change, they just go with the flow and get on with it. I can't, I'm not like that, I need results yesterday, I need to see things happen almost instantaneously, I'm very ill at ease with myself and lastly and I guess most importantly I do not love myself - how can I? I hate the way I look, I hate the way I feel, I can't look in a mirror without cringing, I hate having my photo taken, which by the way is why there are so few photos of me out there and that scares me! If I was to leave this world tomorrow there would be so few lasting images of me out there its just scary.

So my question is this - how do you learn to love yourself? Is it to do with weight or will I always feel like this even if I'm super duper skinny and super duper fit? Is it a self confidence issue? Was it because I was bullied endlessly at school? Am I just a whinger and a moaner??? These are genuine questions and I'm not after 'oh but you look so nice' or 'you've done so well' just because you think it might make me feel better - I'm not trawling for compliments (although lets be honest, they are kinda nice!) This is a genuine topic I need to get my head round. Also when I sabotage myself is it because I'm scared of what's happening? Of what might happen if I lose loads of weight, have I hidden behind my weight for so long and used it as an excuse for so long that I deliberately sabotage my weight loss so I don't have to face it??

How did you learn to love yourself? Have you always loved yourself? I really would love some feedback on this either on here or on my facebook page